The Ride
by sybrann
Summary: (Part two of Car Radio) The continuation of Edd's trip to the ravine and Kevin's regret.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: After an intense conversation on Facebook, I've decided to add Kevin's perspective as a part two to this story.

This is Part 2 of _Car Radio._

* * *

 _Oh God..._

Kevin sat on his bed with his head in his hands. How could everything turn so bad so fast? He had gotten the guys to back off Edd for a while by sadly turning their attention on someone else, but the raven had _always_ been the football team's favorite. But then they wanted him to join in on his secret boyfriend's beating.

Kevin should have said no.

He should have stood up for him.

But he didn't.

Now the star quarterback was sitting alone with the angry thoughts that felt something akin to an angry swarm of bees. Or better yet, it felt like there was another part of him that was just itching to come out. The _real_ Kevin. The one that would take Edd out on dates that he truly deserved. The one that would smother him in kisses when everyone was looking. The one that would get them out of this tiny ass town. Oh, how desperately he wanted to live as _that_ Kevin.

The redhead stood up and started to pace as the loud thoughts began to consume him. Actually, they sounded more like real voices at this point.

 _"You broke his nose. How could he still love you?"_

 _"You know how depressed he's been the last couple weeks."_

 _"You let him down."_

 _"Edd hates you."_

"STOP!" Kevin roared, his hands flying to either side of his head as he willed the voices to stop. His actions at school had caused the usually muted words to transform into commanding, negative voices. God, when was the last time that he was alone in his own mind? Years, probably.

After a moment or two, Kevin allowed himself to stop his pacing and let his arms fall to their sides. "J-just stop, okay? I know that everything I do is fucked up. I get it...just stop the yelling." he said, letting a few angry tears slide down his face.

 _"It was always about you. Never once did you do anything good for him."_

"I know."

After that, his mind was quiet save for the now muted voices that acted as a white noise effect. That night Kevin reflected on his heavy thoughts much like what his boyfriend did every day as the depression sunk itself deeper into the raven's chest.

What could he possibly do to make everything up to Edd?

The redhead decided to think it over with a bottle of his dad's Johnnie Walker. Drinking never actually helped him _think_ per se, but it helped him forget. But before he could pull the small cabinet open, a thick manila envelope on the kitchen counter caught his eye.

It was his parents' vacation plans to California.

...

Edd sat back on his hands as he sat on the hood of his car as he stared out into the deep ravine in front of him. His cherished hat lay abandoned on the ground by the driver's side, but that was okay. The way the wind tousled his inky black hair made him feel a a sense of peace before the storm.

As he thought it all over, Edd decided that there would be no terrible impact from his death. Contact with his parents was minimal at best, only sparing a second or two to tell him that their move to New York had been successful and to wish him luck in his upcoming years of adulthood. They were never close. So like their leave, his will be accepted openly, albeit sadly...hopefully.

His friends- friends? Edd shook his head and laughed a little at the thought. The Eds had broken up _years_ before and the cul-de-sac as a whole was no different. Everyone grew up and apart from one another. The only things that seemed to remain constant where himself...and Kevin.

And what about Kevin? Would he be distraught over his boyfriend's death? Or would he steel his emotions like he usually did and bare the small pain alone? Would there even be pain for him at all? The depressing thoughts made Edd tip his head back and sigh through his bruised nose. It was past noon by this point, he should really get his show on the road.

Then an all too familiar rumble echoed through the trees and Edd froze in his spot. It couldn't be _him._ School started hours ago, he should be at lunch right now. They should both be at lunch right now.

"I knew I'd find you here."

Edd closed his eyes as the rumbling of Kevin's motorcycle stopped and footsteps grew close. He was a fool to come to _their_ spot and try to be alone. Now the throbbing in his nose was almost insignificant compared to the pain in his chest. "Go home, Kevin."

"Are you okay? N-never mind, forget that I just asked you that." the redhead said upon glancing over at the other's face and seeing the nasty black eyes.

"Why aren't you in class?"

"You weren't there, I knew something was wrong. So I went looking for you."

Edd swallowed a thick lump in his throat as he gazed out over the deep trench and into the plush green forest on the other side. "Why do you care?"

Kevin's eyes widened a tad at the question. "Because I love you."

Edd scoffed and brushed the long bangs out of his dull looking eyes. "You only say that when something terrible happens. So stop acting like it means anything."

Kevin's heart practically broke in half. "Edd-" he started, but the raven cut him off.

"No. Don't you "Edd" me." he said, hopping off the hood of the car and began to pace around the edge of the cliff. Kevin grew nervous at how close Edd was standing to it. "The entire time we've been dating, it's been all about _you_. What people will think about _you_ if they see you hanging out with me. Never mind the fact that the entire football team showers together in the locker rooms! Because that's possibly the _gayest_ thing I've ever heard of. But God forbid if we give each other a simple "hello" in the hallway, I get a beating that's worse than the last.

So just, don't. Don't try to tell me how it is, or how you feel because to me, everything's crystal clear. And now, after an entire year of- of _bullshit_ and secrecy, I'm just so tired of it all, Kevin. I just want all the pain and disappointment to end."

Kevin took a hesitant step forward with his arms outstretched. "Edd...come here."

Edd furrowed his eyebrows at the words and stared hard at the burly teen, trying to find any sign of anger or resentment, but he only found pain in those beautiful green eyes that he hated so much at the moment.

"Why didn't you come and find me after school yesterday?"

Kevin pursed his lips at the question, but kept his arms open. "I was busy."

Edd gritted his teeth as a flash of red hot anger flew threw him. _"_ _Doing what?"_ he seethed. The redhead was unfazed by the tone of his voice.

"Reflecting, I suppose. I was busy thinking about you, and all I _haven't_ done for you." he explained, Edd's sudden rage started to dissipate little by little. " _They_ were so loud after what happened yesterday. They made me realize how much I've fucked up with you- us. And I know I can never really make up for all the mistakes I've made, but if you're willing, I want to start over."

Edd scoffed halfheartedly and crossed his arms. His mind wanted to ignore his words and the prospect of "they" and finish what he came here to do, but his heart desperately wanted Edd to throw himself into Kevin's arms and never leave. "Start over? How could we possibly start over? You haven't even accepted yourself yet, and here I am about to-"

"...About to what?"

The raven's mind drew a blank as he tried to cover his tracks. He really didn't feel like blurting out loud about how he was about to kill himself by driving his car into the large gorge below. "I was..."

"Edd. Come here. _Please._ " Kevin said, practically begging the man to step away from the edge. Edd stood his ground, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he tried to form some sort of rational thought. Or at least a thought in general at this point; his mind had went blank. "You don't have to do this. Just try to believe me when I say that it _will_ get better...maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but _someday._ I love you, Edd. I truly do. J-just c'mere so I can show you."

"I..." Edd started, a few stray tears fell down his face as he listened to Kevin's words. "I just wanted the pain to stop."

Hesitantly, Kevin stepped towards Edd and wrapped his arms around his small frame. He slowly lead them away from the edge of the ravine and back over to the car. Once they reached the driver's side, Kevin let himself fall back on his butt with Edd still clutched in his arms. The phrase "I love you" was whispered countless times into the raven's hair as Kevin tried not to lose his shit completely.

What if he hadn't gotten there on time?

What if he had manned up and walked over to Edd's house last night to see if he was alright?

What if?

Eventually Edd found the strength to return Kevin's bone crushing hug and just _cried._ They both did, and for what seemed like hours the two simply just sat there and held each other. "I've got tickets."

"What?" Edd asked and pulled his head off of his boyfriend's chest to look at him. Kevin put a hand on the side of Edd's face as he spoke.

"I've got ticket to California. I want to get us out of here."

Edd let out a small sob and shook his head. "Why? You have everything here. Friends, family, and a scholarship..?"

"That's true, but I'd throw it all away in an instant if it meant that I could be with the man that I love." Kevin said, his voice barely above a whisper, but the words rang louder than ever in Edd's ears. Was this real? Did someone actually _want_ him? Edd decided not to dwell on the thought and simply buried his head in Kevin's chest to muffle his sobs.

Kevin buried his face in the raven's hair and rubbed his back comfortingly. "Please come with me..."

Edd lifted up his head and gazed into those damned green eyes that loved him so much. _Kevin loved him._ It was completely evident now. The way Kevin looked at him with a gaze of such adoration as the wind blew through his ebony locks, the way he took such care in making sure that Edd had everything he needed for when it was time to go. But most importantly, the way that Kevin was _there for him_ from that day forward.

That was three years ago. Now the boys were settled in a condo of their very own, living life as each of them so desperately craved some years before. They could kiss freely underneath the SoCal sun and hold hands anywhere without the judging eyes. Especially when they walked out of the town hall six months earlier with simple silver bands on their ring fingers. Their honeymoon was spent on their couch with pizza for a week after making sure that their paid vacations coincided and it was wonderful.

Every moment that Kevin and Edd spent together was filled with absolute light. Everyday Edd was drug further away from his dark past filled with doubts about the man that had made him whole. Kevin was Edd's entire world. The reason Edd was alive today was because of _him,_ and the redhead's words rang true.

It does get better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. So when those dark times pass and you've made it through, the sun truly does shine brighter and your love will burn deeper.

Edd reflects on these thoughts everyday. Every single time he looks into his husband's beautiful green eyes, he's reminded of just how blessed he is to be with a man like _him._ But every night after the absolute love of his life falls asleep, Kevin steps out onto the terrace and looks up to the sky, thanking his lucky stars for having Edd say those words that saved them so many years ago.

.

.

.

 _"Yes."_


	2. ALTERNATE ENDING

Author's Note: After reading Auntie Shara's fic _Ice Queen,_ I decided to add an alternate ending.

Song choice: _Running Out_ by Matoma

 **Warning: This story contains graphic content and suicide.**

* * *

 _Oh God..._

Kevin sat on his bed with his head in his hands. How could everything turn so bad so fast? He had gotten the guys to back off Edd for a while by sadly turning their attention on someone else, but the raven had _always_ been the football team's favorite. But then they wanted him to join in on his secret boyfriend's beating.

Kevin should have said no.

He should have stood up for him.

But he didn't.

Now the star quarterback was sitting alone with the angry thoughts that felt something akin to an angry swarm of bees. Or better yet, it felt like there was another part of him that was just itching to come out. The _real_ Kevin. The one that would take Edd out on dates that he truly deserved. The one that would smother him in kisses when everyone was looking. The one that would get them out of this tiny ass town. Oh, how desperately he wanted to live as _that_ Kevin.

The redhead stood up and started to pace as the loud thoughts began to consume him. Actually, they sounded more like real voices at this point.

 _"You broke his nose. How could he still love you?"_

 _"You know how depressed he's been the last couple weeks."_

 _"You let him down."_

 _"Edd hates you."_

"STOP!" Kevin roared, his hands flying to either side of his head as he willed the voices to stop. His actions at school had caused the usually muted words to transform into commanding, negative voices. God, when was the last time that he was alone in his own mind? Years, probably.

After a moment or two, Kevin allowed himself to stop his pacing and let his arms fall to their sides. "J-just stop, okay? I know that everything I do is fucked up. I get it...just stop the yelling." he said, letting a few angry tears slide down his face.

 _"It was always about you. Never once did you do anything good for him."_

"I know."

After that, his mind was quiet save for the now muted voices that acted as a white noise effect. That night Kevin reflected on his heavy thoughts much like what his boyfriend did every day as the depression sunk itself deeper into the raven's chest.

What could he possibly do to make everything up to Edd?

The redhead decided to think it over with a bottle of his dad's Johnnie Walker. Drinking never actually helped him _think_ per se, but it helped him forget. But before he could pull the small cabinet open, a thick manila envelope on the kitchen counter caught his eye.

It was his parents' vacation plans to California.

...

Edd sat back on his hands as he sat on the hood of his car as he stared out into the deep ravine in front of him. His cherished hat lay abandoned on the ground by the driver's side, but that was okay. The way the wind tousled his inky black hair made him feel a a sense of peace before the storm.

As he thought it all over, Edd decided that there would be no terrible impact from his death. Contact with his parents was minimal at best, only sparing a second or two to tell him that their move to New York had been successful and to wish him luck in his upcoming years of adulthood. They were never close. So like their leave, his will be accepted openly, albeit sadly...hopefully.

His friends- friends? Edd shook his head and laughed a little at the thought. The Eds had broken up _years_ before and the cul-de-sac as a whole was no different. Everyone grew up and apart from one another. The only things that seemed to remain constant where himself...and Kevin.

And what about Kevin? Would he be distraught over his boyfriend's death? Or would he steel his emotions like he usually did and bare the small pain alone? Would there even be pain for him at all? The depressing thoughts made Edd tip his head back and sigh through his bruised nose. It was past noon by this point, he should really get his show on the road.

Edd sat there for a few more minutes with his eyes closed before hopping off the hood of the car. By the sound of it, there was no one around for miles. When he and Kevin would sometimes come here, the sound of cars passing could be heard on a nearby highway, but even that was silent today. There would be no one to witness his Volvo as it would careen off the edge of the cliff or hear his screams on the way down.

Climbing into the driver's seat, Edd shut the door quietly and revved up the engine after a moment of crushing silence. He was supposed to be at lunch right now. He should be sitting in one of the bathroom stalls with a soggy sandwich, waiting for his tormentors to get tired of looking for him so that he could run off to his AP math class. But no, Edd was sitting in his car with his foot lightly tapping the gas, secretly waiting for someone to come to the rescue.

Oh, how badly he wished for Kevin to pull up on his motorcycle and talk him out of it. He wanted Kevin to hold him close and tell Edd that he loved him. To tell the raven that they were running away together.

But he wouldn't come. Kevin never did.

Sucking in a breath, Edd shifted the car into reverse and backed up a little ways until his back bumper hit a tree. Then, with one last look to the empty road, Edd sucked in a breath, put the car in drive, and slammed his foot on the gas.

The tire's spun in place for a second before the car bolted ahead and Edd started to sweat. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he shouldn't be doing this, but at the same time, the voices of different people rang inside his head like a final bell.

 _"It gets better, Dee."_

 _"There are other people that are worse off than you."_

 _"It sounds like you're just doing this for attention."_

Then, a memory of a scoff and an eye roll. _"The only one that you're hurting here is yourself, Edd. If you don't like feeling this way, then change."_

 _"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't be selfish. Think of your friends and family!"_

And that had worked for a time. The guilt of potentially hurting his parents and acquaintances kept his actions at bay. But when Edd's sleeping pills ran out and the beatings at school intensified, he just couldn't bare the pain anymore. Something had to be done.

So now, even if Edd wanted to slam his foot on the brake and go back to try to make it through tomorrow, it was too late.

Edd felt his bottom lift from the seat as the car propelled itself over the edge and for a single second, the raven was at peace. His hands and hair started to float upwards towards the roof of the car. _He felt weightless._ Like all the depression and stress was lifted from his shoulders and left back up on the cliff. And he didn't scream, his throat was clenched tight as worthless tears dripped from his wide, cerulean eyes. Edd's head bumped the ceiling of the car a little and his foot fell away from the gas; the raven was literally floating in midair.

But, everything that goes up, must eventually come down.

Edd's chest was slammed up against the steering wheel with such velocity that the breath was knocked out of his lungs in the form of a loud gasp. Glass littered itself everywhere when the front of the car smashed into the jagged rocks below; the hood of the Volvo suddenly looking like an aluminum can that someone had squashed under their boot.

The smell of gas and burnt rubber entered Edd's nose as his neck settled over the steering wheel. Thick liquid that tasted something akin to copper was quick to fill his mouth and then form a steady drip out of the corner of his mouth as the car eventually found its final resting place at the bottom of the ravine.

And then the worst thing imaginable happened. It wasn't the fact that Edd couldn't feel his body from the waist down, or the agonizing pain in his neck and shoulders as his head lay bend unnaturally over the steering wheel. It was worse than the overwhelming pain in his chest or the shard of glass that was stuck into his right eye, rendering it useless, _or_ the blood that poured from his mouth as he struggled to breathe.

Edd's one working eye widened in horror as he realized that he had survived the horrific crash.

Small, gargled whimpers escaped his bloody lips and his bruised and battered frame shook as he started to panic. His heart pounded against his flattened chest and his lungs struggled to expand from the crushed sternum and broken ribs that were still pressed against the steering wheel. A few tears escaped the one eye that was closed _by choice_ when another realization hit him that no one had seen him crash. Everyone was at lunch, like he should have been. But he wasn't.

Edd died two days later.

His totaled car was found by a local teen. Search and Rescue teams had been organized two days after Edd was reported missing, but his mangled body wasn't discovered until the fourth day along with the wrecked Volvo.

There wasn't a funeral. No parents or relatives could be contacted, so the teen was cremated and put in a small box to whoever wanted to take him. Otherwise, he would be buried in the local cemetery with no marker. Just a small mound of freshly turned dirt and a lonely figure to remind people that someone had once been buried there.

Kevin went to the grave everyday after Edd was buried. Each day he thought about how if he hadn't skipped school, if he hadn't slept in from his hang over the night before, he would have realized that his boyfriend was missing. But he didn't.

And Kevin hated himself everyday for it.

Kneeling down in the dirt, Kevin noticed how there were small patches of grass covering the bare spot; the one indicator that revealed where the love of his life lay was being washed away by time. The redhead hit the ground angrily as tears flowed steadily from his eyes.

He was supposed to tell Edd how much he loved him. Ask the man to run away with him. Kevin had even imagined the two of them, somewhere in the heart of Southern California, kissing freely under the bright sun. They could have been happy. But now Edd was dead because Kevin wasn't there in his time of need and it made the redhead want to die.

So later that night, after his parents that were naive to his immense pain had gone to bed, Kevin walked up the stairs into his father's study. The light from the moon shone in through the window and splayed itself across the floor, giving Kevin's legs a ghostly glow.

Kevin walked over to the old fashioned desk and fumbled around in the drawers for a few minutes before finding his dad's handgun. The polished metal felt cool and heavy in his hand and as he held the barrel up to his temple, Kevin thought about Edd.

"I love you, I love you, I love you..." he chanted to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. But just before he pulled the trigger, Kevin swore that he heard _his_ voice among his quiet chanting.

 _"I love you too,"_

And shot resounded itself into the night.


End file.
